Friends

I just wanted to write this cause its about all the people who thought were my friend and turned out to not be. I really wanted to have friends and i dont have them right now. i am very lonely everyday yea cause everyone around me is going out and having fun. They go to bars and drink and they can drive to their friends house stay over then they can do what they want.

It hurts me cause I want that kind of life where i can just go and do something. Im sick of being home all the time with nothing to do and no life. I really want my own place and car. Im tired of this whole i have to ask to go anywere and being told when to come home and what i can and cant do. More than anything else i want to live with kevin and have my life. or live on my own then he can come to me later on. I am going to look for a place and a car as well as a job. i NEED to make my own money and get out of my house. my parents are too controling and im 24 im not a kid. I cant handle the stress anymore.

and as far as the people i used to know well im over them but it hurts. keri, kristin,steph s, mike everyone lied. i thought we were friends for life but that was a total lie. i apologized for everything but im sorry i did cause it ment nothing. i hate this. i just pray it gets better for me and for kevin. i know it will in time. till then i will write again soon.

love
rachael

School

I go to school at capri in kenilworth and its a cosmetology school. I like it but there is one thing that I cant take anymore and its the people who are in my class. Some of them have this attitude where they think that everything should be handed to them. I cant stand that. I want to learn but they make it so hard.

They talk all the time and its so frusrating cause they get told stop and no one gets it. I cant take it much longer and i just want to say enough is enough. Im tired of it. And there are a few that I really have no respect for. I dont know how they think they will get anywere if they act like they are now. I go to school with high school kids and its sad cause I finished high school 7 years ago in 2003. Im over the immature thing. And I just dont think that this is what they want to do. Its just a big game to most of them and I cant take that. I wish that there was more done to the ones who dont care. They should be told if you dont want this then dont do this.

Im at my breaking point and I dont know how much longer I can take. Its just annyoing. But I am going to get to my 600 hours and then to 1200 and be done thats all I want. I want to be done and move out of my house and have the life that I want to have. I want to live with kevin and make our love work again. Its broken but I feel it though. I want this to be ok. I am not going to let my parents or anyone tell me no and that I cant do something. Its over. I just want my life back its all I want.

I also want friends and I feel so hurt that everyone at school has freinds and I am just left in the dark while everyone else is having fun and going out. I am stuck at home and alone with no one. I am tired of that. I have been let down by so many people who claimed to be my friend and I got hurt. When will I ever find real friends who mean something to me and will never let me down and hurt me. I want to be able to make real friends but I guess I am just not worth it sometimes. Its so frustrating when you feel so much inside and no one is there to listen to you.

I just feel that way right now. I had to get this out and I had to say what i was feeling

Rachael